Please stop beating yourself up. This motherhood thing is hard. Can you think of any other relationship in your life where you are required to give 100% to not only sustain the relationship but to also care fully for that individual? Having a child is one of the most time consuming, challenging tasks I have ever done. It requires literal blood, sweat, and tears.
Yet as I listen to myself and my other mom friends the narrative I so often hear is, “I’m failing.”
“I’m not doing enough.”
“I’m going to mess my kids up.”
“I’m a mess.”
“Everyone else is doing a better job than I am.”
Why is this the story we keep telling ourselves over and over? Why do we allow our minds to take over and feed our souls a bunch of lies?
This has got to stop. No one benefits from these thought patterns. Our kids don’t benefit. Our spouses don’t benefit. We don’t benefit. So why do we continue this pattern? I’ve been learning a lot lately about the subconscious and our unseen motivations. When our psyche keeps telling us something, there is generally a reward underneath that thought pattern. This may seem counterintuitive because obviously this thought pattern is negative. However, our subconscious can derive a reward from even negative behaviors. Our subconscious does not hang onto thought patterns that it doesn’t perceive as beneficial. After all, our biological instinct is to survive and preserve ourselves. So the question becomes what reward are we getting out of this behavior? What reward do we receive for treating ourselves as failures?
Perhaps it allows us to shield ourselves from the pain of failure?
Perhaps it allows us to settle for less?
Perhaps it shields us from the loss of control when dealing with another autonomous human being?
I don’t like feeling out of control. I also don’t like feeling like a failure. Motherhood is extremely difficult because you are given the task of caring for another human that at the end of the day you cannot control. You can discipline and train your children. However, at the end of the day they are autonomous beings that are more than capable of not only disappointing you but also defying you.
How do you break the cycle of self-defeating thoughts?
The answer is simple and also not simple. You replace lies with truth. This is one of the most important things that I teach my clients. I teach them how to look at their lives objectively and implement behavioral changes to stop the cycle of self-criticism. If this helped you, you will LOVE my free stress less worksheet available on my website!
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