Rooted Mama Podcast
Episode 38: Exhaustion in Motherhood
Introduction to Exhaustion in Motherhood: How to Fight Fatigue and Create Good Habits
Welcome to another episode of the Rooted Mama Podcast. Today we’re going to talk about exhaustion and motherhood. Now let’s get into the episode.
Early on in this podcast, I talked a lot about burnout and I kind of want to revisit the topic through a slightly different lens. I want to focus on some very specific things that you can do to work on your physical health that help with exhaustion and motherhood.
It’s really easy to neglect yourself when you’re trying to get all the tasks and things done, like taking care of your kids, cooking food, everything can just feel like an uphill battle and it can be really exhausting and overwhelming. And for some moms, you’ll find that self-care is actually the key to your success or failure. It really plays a big role in whether or not you’re going to be successful in daily motherhood. And so prioritizing this, although it can feel overwhelming, is really important. And so I want to break down some simple steps you can work on in each of these areas. So let’s get started. So I want to break down some simple steps you can work on in each of these categories to help it feel more manageable. And if you want more information on that topic, I would recommend you go to the previous episodes that I’ve done where I take more of a deep dive on the topic and really give you a lot more depth and tangible steps you can take to work on that area.
This episode is for you if you find that at the end of the day, you are completely exhausted. And this doesn’t just happen occasionally. All of us have crazy days where once, once in a while we’re just completely exhausted and overwhelmed.
But if you routinely, every day, most days, you’re finding that you are exhausted, this episode would be a really good one to use to check in on yourself and see what do I need to work on? Maybe I need to work on some of these areas so I actually have energy to get caught up.
#1 Spend your Free Time Wisely
So the first category I want to talk about is sleep. This is a big one for moms because for most moms, you typically will stay up later at night because you know that it’s your only time to be uninterrupted and have alone time and time to yourself. And while I do think that time is really valuable, I do think it can be really easy to get in this rut where you’re so exhausted that you don’t do things that are actually satisfying during that time. You’re just scrolling social media or binge watching a show, but you’re not really doing something that really fills you up and gives you joy and energy for the next day.
It’s kind of one of those things where it becomes this hamster wheel of doom, where you’re chronically exhausted. So you do things that don’t fill you up. And so you really never get caught up. It just goes and goes and goes.
So I really recommend that you set aside time to do something that you really enjoy. Maybe it’s reading a book or doing some gentle yoga or going for a walk or talking with a friend. Maybe it is watching a show on Netflix. For some people, they really enjoy that and that really does fill them up.
Whatever it is, set aside a time for that, typically an hour to an hour and a half. And then when that time is done, begin to transition into a new into a bedtime routine. I’ve really found that taking a supplement to help me sleep really helps me wind down and fall asleep faster. Whereas if I get on my phone and start scrolling, sometimes I’ll be up till midnight, 1 a.m., just mindlessly looking at my phone, not because I really want to be, but just because it’s kind of addicting. And so being very intentional to have that wind down routine and removing the things that trip you up and keep you in that cycle are really important.
It doesn’t mean you can’t ever have a night where you sit up on your phone all night, but being intentional about it, I think is really key. I would encourage you to sit down and write down two or three things you can do to help yourself sleep better. Maybe it’s taking a sleep supplement. Maybe it’s having a bedtime tea. Maybe it’s taking time to do something fun and you enjoy right before bedtime. Anything like that to really cue your brain to, okay, now I can shift out of mom mode and into wind down mode. That’s really important for sure.
The second area that I want to talk about is diet. I truly believe that most moms are chronically undernourished because you’re constantly trying to make food for all the people in your life. And if you go to have a snack, everyone’s like, I want a snack. I want to snack me. And you’re like, I just want to eat a piece of food without anyone else asking me for anything.
And so I think it can be really, it’s often easier for moms to just be like, oh, I’m just not going to eat. Well, that’s actually not the answer because if you don’t give your body the fuel you need to feel good and function well, you’re going to chronically be depleted. And so I think for moms, increasing your protein intake is really important and making sure you’re getting enough food and energy to get you through your day and not relying solely on caffeine to make you power through. You really need to make sure you’re consuming enough calories to feel good.
I also think another thing is consistency with eating. If you have any sort of adrenal fatigue where you’re stressed and exhausted, and in that fatigued state, being intentional to eat more often is actually really therapeutic for the body. And that means like every two to three hours. And don’t get me wrong, eating that often is a pain in the butt. I absolutely hate it. But I found when I go through a stressful season, if I’m more intentional to eat more, I feel so much better.
And trying to think of easy snacks that even if the kids have some, it’s not something you have to stop and make a big fancy thing with is really helpful. I really love cottage cheese with pears. I love apples with peanut butter. I just feel better if I have more fat in my diet during the day. And so adding that fat or protein source with a carb typically is kind of my go-to. I’ll make yogurt bowls with like fruit and nuts and chocolate.
Sometimes I’ll even just have like a light lunch. Like I’ll have my protein shake in the morning, I’ll work a couple hours, and then I’ll have like an early lunch between like 10 and 11. And then I’ll have like an early lunch between like 10 and 11. And then I’ll have a smaller lunch again between one and noon. And oftentimes that’s enough to get me through my day and I just feel better. Whereas if I go all morning without really eating, my energy tanks a lot sooner and I’m just not able to keep up with my kids and all the tasks that I have to do.
So eating enough, eating consistently, and increasing your protein intake are all important things to look at with your diet to make sure you have enough to actually fuel yourself and not be exhausted all the time.
This next category is gonna be kind of controversial, but I love you guys too much to not be honest with you. We really need to take a look at the substances we’re consuming as moms. I’m gonna start with caffeine.
And everyone just groans and rolls their eyes at me when I say this, but caffeine really does mess with your ability to regulate. And especially if you’re exhausted constantly and have that adrenal fatigue, adding caffeine to that mix is actually the opposite of what you need as a mom. I remember as a new mom, when I had Tobias, I, you was drinking way too much cold brew coffee, like a ridiculous amount of cold brew coffee. And I loved every minute of it.
But eventually I got to the point where I was having heart palpitations and I was like, you know what? This is not good for me. I’ve got to quit. And so I did.
And it was like a month later. And I woke up one morning and it was like, whoa, like I actually have energy. Because what a lot of people don’t realize is that caffeine doesn’t really give you energy necessarily. It just blocks the hormones. That tells you you’re tired.
And so it kind of puts your body in this state where it thinks it can keep going when in reality, you probably need to regulate more and de-stress. And so depending on caffeine to get you through the day, although it can feel good in the moment, long-term is going to lead to a lot of issues. And like I said before, if you’re struggling with your adrenals and just feeling exhausted all the time, caffeine is really going to do the opposite of what you need it to.
The next category is alcohol. It seems to me that being sober and not drinking at all is actually becoming a little more popular recently. And it’s kind of interesting to me. I’ve definitely noticed the cultural shift of moms tending to use alcohol as a way to wind down.
But I do think culturally, we’ve kind of seen a shift where more moms are embracing sobriety and the benefits that come with that. Because just like caffeine, if you need alcohol to make yourself wind down at the end of the day, that’s a sign of adrenal fatigue, or nervous system dysfunction. Or during the day, you’re exhausted, and then come bedtime, you’re tired and wired, and you can’t regulate, and you can’t fall asleep, and you need something to help you do that.
And so getting away from alcohol, especially needing it on a daily basis, I think is a huge step to help your body heal and learn how to regulate. Although it can feel really uncomfortable in the moment, that really is a powerful way that you can help your body heal and start to regulate itself.
The final category is marijuana. And this, I think, is kind of a newer thing for some moms, just because more states are legalizing it all the time. And there’s also been some discussion of maybe legalizing it federally and pushing it back to the states as well.
And so marijuana is one of those things where I think because it was illegal for so long, we’ve kind of only heard of the positive things about it without really seeing the negative things about it. And I think that in some ways, it’s a really good thing. And in some instances, it can be helpful.
But I would argue that if you’re using marijuana to get through your daily life or regulate yourself so you can be around your kids for a long period of time, that’s a sign of physical dysfunction.
In my practice, I always talk to my clients about, it’s not so much what you’re using, it’s why you’re using it and how often you’re using it. And I really think for marijuana, if you’re depending on it on a daily basis, it really begins to have a counter effect to what it initially is intended to do. Getting off of it and staying off of it for a long period of time really helps your body shift back into its baseline. And then you can actually begin to regulate your system and do better and feel better.
Let’s talk about the nervous system. The nervous system really is kind of the mastermind behind a lot of the energy problems you’re having.
If you listened to my previous episodes on the nervous system, you know that the nervous system really is the body’s safe, safety or home security system. It’s constantly evaluating whether or not you’re safe and how you need to respond to your environment in order to protect yourself.
And so for some people, you’re gonna run more sympathetic where you’re anxious and on edge, very like high energy, go, go, go. Whereas for other people like me, you might be more dorsal where you’re more shut down, more fatigued and struggle to generate enough energy to get through your day.
Once you know what your baseline is, it’s a lot easier to support your system and figure out, what you need to do to feel better emotionally, physically, energetically, the whole thing. And so for a lot of moms, they will set themselves up and actually do the opposite of what they need to do to take care of themselves. And so all of this, all of the tools that I’m giving you in this episode are key ways you can regulate your nervous system.
Another issue that I think comes up for moms a lot is boundaries. Some moms tend to be controlling and be like, oh, I’m gonna do it all myself. I don’t need any help. I can be super mom. Whereas other moms, it’s more of a hot mess where they don’t have any systems or structure to support themselves. And so everything feels like a dumpster fire all the time.
And so it’s really important that you learn how to say no in an effective manner so you can have space and energy for yourself and those around you and really find a way to ask for help in a way that’s meaningful to you.
For the first several years of being a mom, I had someone come and clean my house once a week. And that was a huge way that I could keep up with everything. I think it’s pretty unreasonable to expect yourself to work full-time, take care of your children, and take care of your house 100% all on you. And so if you don’t have people in your life to support you, having someone come clean your house for even a few hours a week, yes, it’s a financial investment, but I’m telling you, it goes a long way to helping you keep your energy where it needs to be and do well with it, especially if you have a big home.
In some ways, a smaller home can almost be a blessing because there’s less to clean and less to manage. And when we lived in a really small house, that’s actually what I found to be true. God really used that house to teach me how to manage my time and manage the tasks of just running a household. And then when we built a house, I wasn’t quite so overwhelmed by it because I had increased my skills and my ability to manage it well.
So I would encourage you, if you work full-time, try to look for another mom who maybe she wants to be a mom, wants to stay home, but maybe wants to make a little extra money on the side, and you can pay her a couple hours a week to come in and clean your home. It’d be a blessing to her and a blessing to you.
The other thing that’s really important is asking for help and recognizing when you need help. I still think our culture does a really bad job of kind of idolizing kind of the super mom idea where you’re a good mom if you can do it all and be all the things, when in reality, it’s not really good for you or your kids, for them to, you know, be a good mom, but they really rely on you for everything.
They really need multiple people in their life to encourage them and love on them and support them. And so if you’re not in a position right now where you have good support, I would encourage you to try to find those people in your life who can do that for you. And maybe it’s not your family, maybe it’s your friends. It’s important for all of us to have a village, even if that village maybe looks a little different.
I really believe that it’s important to embrace the type of mom that you actually are. And this is something I struggled with for a long time. I would compare myself to my other mom friends who were crafty or were good at different things. And I felt like a bad mom.
And it was kind of silly because I am a good mom, but I had to be willing to lean into my strengths and the things I’m good at. I’m really good at being creative. I’m really good at going on adventures. I’m really good at doing kind of, you know, fun, surprising things for my kids. And so when I learned to embrace that part of my personality and honor the type of mom that comes naturally to me, it made motherhood a lot more fun.
The other thing I learned that was a game changer for me was just doing things with my kids. I think as a new mom, I thought I had to get everything done. And if I was doing a task, it couldn’t really include the children in the task because the task was more important. And that I think really robbed me of a lot of opportunities to bond with my children. And so now I often do tasks with my kids, whether it be chores, cleaning, cooking, whatever it is, I try to do it with my children and it’s good for my kids and it’s good for me.
I also found with a lot of hobbies and a lot of fun things as well, if I do things with my kids, it really is beneficial for everyone. So if I’m doing art, I’ll try to have Hayden come do art with me because he likes art. Me and Tobias do piano together. There’s just different things that like, if you’re willing to include your kids in your work, if you’re willing to include your kids in the process, it makes it more fun for everyone involved. And I get it’s necessary to have just alone time sometimes, but motherhood really is a stage where the times you’re gonna be alone are gonna be few and far in between. And you don’t wanna wait for those moments to really enjoy being a mom and enjoy your kids. You wanna enjoy your kids now.
And so embracing kind of the chaos and the spontaneity of including your children in those tasks really opens up a whole new world of opportunities for you to just enjoy being around your kids.
The other area that I think is a struggle for moms is finding fulfilling relationships because in a parent child dynamic, it really is a hundred to zero where the kids not really contributing anything to the relationship. And that’s okay. That’s a normal child-parent relationship. But the reality is you need to have other relationships outside of your kids that can pour into you and encourage you and nourish you.
And that can be hard because you’re not gonna have a lot of time or capacity, but investing- the time in finding high quality friends or family relationships really goes a long way toward filling your cup and helping you feel more fulfilled as a person overall. I also think that it’s really important to have hobbies as a mom because if you’re going to put everything in your life on hold until your kids leave the home, that’s not really a reasonable timeline in my mind.
Now, do I think you need to pick hobbies that work well with the season of life you’re in? Yes, 100%. Are you going to have a lot of hobbies when you have a newborn? Probably not. And that’s okay. But as your kids get bigger, it’s really important that you find things that you enjoy because I think a lot of times it’s easy to lose yourself in motherhood.
And while there’s seasons that I think that’s normal and healthy, we really do want to come back to what do I love, what do I enjoy, what brings me joy, and incorporate that into our motherhood experience. Because when we are happy, our kids are going to feed off that. Think about it. If you had to live with someone who resented taking care of you, what kind of message would that send to your child? The answer is not a good one. We really want to be clear and not do this in a fake or artificial way, but we really want to set ourselves up to where we actually enjoy being moms and we actually have energy for our kids and we can actually show up for ourselves and our kids in a fulfilling way.
If you’re constantly depleted, it’s really hard to live. Take care of yourself and take care of your kids. And so that’s where all of these things come together to really make motherhood better.
The final category I want to talk about is rest or Sabbath. This is something that in our American culture we rarely take time for, but I think as moms it’s even more important. One, I think it’s important because taking a time to rest every week models for our children the concept of rest as well. I think we really want to pass on the message that rest is necessary. And it’s healthy and it’s good.
And so having a day where you rest and you recharge and you recoup is really vital to your overall health and wellbeing. It also is an opportunity for us to cultivate things that are meaningful in our life as well. I forget what podcast I was listening to. I think it was maybe Annie Down’s podcast. And she was talking about this idea of for Sabbath, you really want to do the opposite of whatever it is you do during the week.
So for my job, I do a lot of thinking and answering. I’m analyzing and kind of taxing mental work. And so for me, rest actually looks like doing something active. So going on a walk, doing an activity with my kids, something like that, where I’m resting my mind, but I’m engaging my body. Whereas for someone else who maybe has a physically taxing job, maybe for them, it’s doing something relaxing where they sit and give their body a chance to relax and be restored and rejuvenated. Our culture can often downplay the roles of moms. I’m telling you, the job of mom is one of the most powerful and influential jobs you’ll ever have in your life. And I don’t say that to make it the end all be all.
I say that to just encourage you and remind you of like, this is holy work. This is valuable work. And you can impact not just your children, but the generations that come after them by how you show up and how you parent and how you love your kids. And so. Yeah. The more you start taking care of yourself, the easier it will be to care for your family as well. So don’t let anyone sell you on the lie that what you do isn’t important or doesn’t matter. It does so, so much, not just for you, but for all the people who are going to come after you as well.
So in review, the main categories you need to work on if you are struggling with chronic exhaustion and fatigue are sleep, diet, your substances, your nervous system, daily joy and hobbies, and rest and satisfaction.
Like I said, if you need more information on any of these topics, you can listen to my previous podcast episodes. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave us a review on iTunes or Spotify and share it with a friend who may benefit from this information. Have a wonderful day friends.