Rooted Mama Podcast
ADHD and Motherhood
Welcome to the Rooted Mama podcast. My name is Shelby Leppin. I’m a mom of six kids, a mental health nurse practitioner, and today we’re going to talk about ADHD.
I’m really excited about this topic. I’ve wanted to do an episode about it for a while, so let’s take a minute and get into the episode. Ironically, ADHD is actually a somewhat controversial topic, even in the mental health space. There are a lot of doctors and even mental health professionals who don’t really believe in ADHD or think it’s actually a thing. And so clinically, this is kind of interesting because you kind of have this divide in the mental health space where some people are like, it doesn’t exist. It’s not really a thing. mental health space where some people are like, eh, it doesn’t exist, it’s not really a thing. And then you have others who are saying, yes, it is. And it has significant clinical implications for a lot of people as well.
I think sometimes the mental health industry as a whole struggles with a little bit of a inferiority complex where we feel the need that we have to prove ourselves and prove that the work that we do is valuable. And especially with certain diagnoses like this, where it’s like, there’s not really going to be tangible physical evidence for the symptoms.
A lot of it’s going to be subjective symptoms that clients are going to report and talk about. But I really think that even if it’s hard for people to understand, that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t talk about it and shouldn’t address it. So today I’m excited to dive in. I’m going to give you a description of it, talk about what it is, and talk about some of the treatment options for it as well. I think clinically I have a little bit of a different take on this because as some of you guys know, I generally have a pretty holistic mindset when it comes to treating certain problems, but I also have two kids with ADHD myself.
And I also had a mentor who really taught me a lot about ADHD and how to catch it and what it looks like and the implications of untreated ADHD. And so I think my blend and my take on things will be interesting to a lot of you.
ADHD stands for attention deficit and hyperactivity disorder. It used to be called ADD in the old DSM-5 workbooks or the old DSM workbooks. Now we’re using the DSM-5. And so it’s described as basically three types of ADHD. You have ADHD inattentive, meaning you’re just not paying attention. You could be sitting there making eye contact with the teacher or whoever you’re talking to, but your brain is somewhere else. It is thinking about other things. It is on vacation. It is not in the present moment.
Then you have ADHD hyperactive. And I would say this one is probably caught a little more frequently because the client or the child or the person can’t hold still and is very restless and fidgety. And typically, because there’s a symptom you can see with your eyes, typically that type of ADHD gets caught more frequently.
And then you can have ADHD combined where you’re struggling with paying attention and impulse control and holding still and all the things that go with that. What I found to be really interesting as a mental health professional is that the more I work with clients using break method, the more I’m able to really understand why their brain is doing what they’re doing. And I think this is something that the mental health sphere as a whole struggles with because we have these symptoms and diagnoses, but we can’t necessarily always explain why they’re happening, how it got to that point and what we can do about it.
Break Method as an Aid to Diagnosing [00:03:39]
And so that’s why I am literally obsessed with break method and how it uses data to really pinpoint and drill down to what the actual problem is and what is triggering the behaviors that we’re seeing. Because so often I think it’s easy to get caught up in the behaviors and be distracted by, oh, we need to fix this because it’s causing a problem, that we lose sight of the big picture and don’t stop to think, why is the brain doing this in the first place? And how can we actually change or heal that wound so we don’t keep repeating the same cycle over and over?
I think something that’s hard for clients to understand is that the brain always has a reason for what it does. And I think we like to assume that that means that our brain is using a logic to make the decisions that it’s making and that it’s making those decisions in our best interest. And that’s not always the case. In a lot of ways, the brain comes up with what it thinks is the best solution to the problem, but often that best solution is actually the worst thing for you. And until you introduce new possibilities to the brain of what it could actually do instead, it’s really hard for the brain of what it could actually do instead it’s really hard for the brain to view it as having options it tends to be very rigid in how it looks at things and solves problems and so if it’s come up with a solution sometimes it’s very challenging for your brain to consider a different solution that could actually be better and actually give you more of what you’re wanting.
And if you think about it from a practical perspective, I think this is kind of interesting. The ADHD response in some ways makes sense because if you’re facing something that’s hard or difficult, quitting is an option. It doesn’t always serve you well, but it is an option that is available to you. And so when you see clients who they encounter something hard and so they shut down or run away either physically or mentally, they’re trying to protect themselves from that frustrating stimuli.
This definitely ties into a person’s overall level of executive dysfunction. Executive dysfunction is defined as a weakness in the cognitive skills that are needed for planning, focus, and managing tasks. And so essentially, when the brain encounters something that is not sure how to do correctly, or doesn’t want to do, or is struggling with, it can escape by running away, either physically, so physically removing themselves, or mentally, just mentally going somewhere else in their mind. ADHD can also be present when clients escape up into their imagination. And this can be like my life.
I don’t like my life. I’m unhappy in this situation. So instead of dealing with the present, I’m going to pretend and use my imagination as a way of escape to actually enjoy something in my life, even if it’s fictional. I want to read to you the DSM-5, which the DSM is considered like the Bible of the world of mental health. It sets the standards for what criteria is needed to have a certain mental health diagnosis. And I would argue there’s even a decent bit of controversy when it comes to using the DSM-5, but it’s what we have. So it’s what I’m going to share with you today. I’m going to read to you some of the symptoms of ADHD and the classification that we use to measure ADHD. And I think what’s tricky about ADHD is that it’s not always bad. It truly depends on the level of executive dysfunction and whether or not these problems lead to chronic issues in a person’s life. Because there are clients who have ADHD, but depending on their situation and the support they’ve been given and the skills they’ve developed, they may be able to manage their ADHD without clinical intervention at all and actually be able to thrive and do really well. Whereas you have other clients who they are constantly struggling and they develop this sense of failure, like they can’t succeed and they’re not good enough. And that untreated ADHD can actually lead to significant depression and anxiety and drug use and lots of mental health problems because it creates kind of this wound in the psyche of the person where they think like I’m a failure and I can’t succeed.
Those things aren’t objectively true because ADHD has nothing to do with intelligence or abilities or skills, but that’s the narrative the mind can adopt if we’re not giving them the skills they need to help deal with their ADHD. I’m going to read you two lists of nine symptoms. The first one is for inattention. The second is for hyperactivity. And typically when we’re looking at a clinical diagnosis, a client would need to have six out of nine of these symptoms for a majority of their life, meaning that these symptoms are a problem continuously.
Symptoms of ADHD Inattentive [00:08:23]
Because all of these symptoms are general enough that any one of us can struggle with these things on occasion. That’s not what we’re going for. We’re really trying to understand clinically in a person’s daily life, is this a significant problem for them?
– Often fails to give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes in schoolwork, at work, or during other activities.
– Often has trouble holding attention on tasks or play activities.
– Often does not seem to listen when spoken to directly.
– Often does not follow through on instructions and fails to finish schoolwork chores or duties in the workplace. You lose focus, you get sidetracked.
– Often has trouble organizing tasks and activities.
– Often avoids dislikes or is reluctant to do tasks that require mental effort over a long period of time, such as schoolwork, paperwork, homework.
– Often loses things necessary for tasks and activities, your keys, your phone, your wallet, things like that.
– Often easily distracted.
– Often forgetful in daily activities.
That is the inattentive list. Now for the hyperactivity list.
Symptoms for ADHD Hyperactivity [00:09:22]
– Often fidgets with or taps hands or feet or squirms in seat.
– Often leaves seat in situations when remaining seated is expected.
-Often runs about or climbs in situations where it is not appropriate.
-Often unable to play or take part in leisure activities quietly. If you’re having fun, you’re being loud.
– Often on the go, acting as if being driven by a motor.
-Often talks too much.
-Often blurts out an answer before a question has been completed,
– often has trouble waiting your turn,
– often interrupts or intrudes on others, you butt into conversations or games.
So again, from a clinical perspective, if it is causing problems, I truly believe it is worth treating. And I really believe that treatment should be twofold.
Not everyone needs to be on medication for their ADHD but I definitely think it should be an option that’s given to clients because as a parent if your child has already developed these symptoms you want to teach your child the skills that they need to be able to deal with their symptoms, but you’re not going to teach them all of those skills overnight. And so having a medication on board can be significantly helpful to boost the child’s sense of self and their ability to feel confident that I can sit down and do a task and actually achieve this task.
And then you can also implement very strategic pattern opposition to help your child learn how to manage this even without medication. When I’ve worked with clients, I often find that as soon as we treat their ADHD, their depression and their anxiety symptoms get better. And sometimes their depression and anxiety symptoms actually go away. Because like I said, when you’re able to help the client shift their perspective to one of I can succeed, I can do these tasks, I’m not weak, I’m not stupid, and you’re able to help shift that mental narrative, that chatter in their mind to something that’s positive and actually based on truth, that fundamentally shifts things for the better.
And I think as moms, because we’re finding now more and more clients have been diagnosed with ADHD later in life, for a lot of moms, this can be a struggle because if you are chronically having issues, finishing tasks and completing tasks and staying on task and being organized, it often leads to a lot of stress and dysfunction in your home. And so for moms, if they’re able to be diagnosed with ADHD and get some extra tools to learn how to manage this, it can have a huge positive impact on their kids as well. Because again, kids thrive on stability and consistency. And when you have ADHD, it’s very difficult for you to show up and be consistent in those daily tasks that provide that input for your kids.
Building the Skills to Manage your ADHD [00:12:07]
A lot of clinicians think that kids with ADHD grow out of their symptoms. I don’t necessarily think they grow out of the symptoms. I think they just learn the skills that they need to actually manage their ADHD. For example, if you take a hyperactive young boy and you stick him in a classroom for seven hours a day, yeah, he’s going to be hyper and have trouble paying attention for that long. But if that boy grows up and maybe he starts his own lawn and garden business where he’s able to mow yards and manage his time and be outside and do things he enjoys, he’s going to be able to manage his ADHD much more because he’s not going to just be sitting staring at a book all day. He’s actually going to be doing hands-on activities that help him stay engaged and keep his attention.
And then when he has other tasks like billing or things like that, he’s going to have to focus, but it’s going to be for a much shorter period of time than seven hours a day, five days a week. And so by allowing that brain to develop and learning how to do things strategically and practicing the skills, you can actually overcome that executive dysfunction and manage those ADHD symptoms well. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re going to be able to learn that overnight or that you shouldn’t use medication as you make that transition in that journey. As a parent, if you have younger children, ages zero to five, there are a lot of strategic things you can do to help prevent the development of ADHD. But if your child is older and their pattern is already established, you’re going to have to be much more strategic to help them learn those skills they need in a supportive manner, because it’s not reasonable to expect their brains to develop overnight. We want them to develop those skills, but we have to be patient and consistent to help them learn how to rewire and change those things. I also have researched a decent amount about different supplements to help with ADHD.
I’m not going to cover that in this episode today. I will probably do a future episode on that topic as well, but I will probably combine that information with other general information about supplements for mental health and do a more comprehensive episode about that.
So today our episode was a little more clinically inclined, but I will share that as a parent of children with ADHD, I think it’s really important that parents and teachers and medical professionals and the general public be more aware of ADHD because it’s really easy if you’ve never had a mental health struggle yourself to just look at that person struggling and go, well, just focus. It’s not that hard. Just get it done. But that’s the issue. Their brain can’t strategically follow a step-by-step sequence to get things done. That’s where the dysfunction comes from. And that’s why it’s so distressing because there’s lots of tasks that a person without ADHD can look at and go, well, this is simple. I just do A, B, and C, and then it’s done.
But a person with ADHD struggles to even see the steps that need to be done and then follow them in a step-sequenced manner. And so if we aren’t able to give them tools and support to do that, it can be very disheartening to that child and the parent-child relationship as well, because the parent’s going to be frustrated. Like, why aren’t you listening? Why aren’t you doing what you’re supposed to do? And then the child feels bad too, because then they’re like, well, I’m trying, but I’m just not succeeding. And that constant, I’m not measuring up, I’m not succeeding, that is what leads to other issues in other areas of life. And so I truly believe that you need to have a dual approach with it. I think if you just use medication and you don’t have strategy to help teach your child how to do better with their executive dysfunction I think that’s also a disservice because it it leaves you reliant on medication and doesn’t actually help you solve the problem but if you just do pattern opposition 100% and you’re young and you don’t have a lot of support, that can be really stressful and challenging as well and make you feel like a failure.
The brain can be rewired, but we do have to be strategic about it and patient, especially when the individual is younger. And maybe you have an older child, but maybe they haven’t grown in this area. I’ve had this with my kids where age-wise my child was 12 but emotionally my child was more like a five-six year old and so I had to be patient and consistent so I could teach my child the skills they needed to grow emotionally and with their thought processing. I had to get really good at setting reasonable expectations and goals for them at that age, not their actual age, but the age they were at. And the more that my child has been able to be successful in those areas, the higher I’ve raised the bar and the more goals we’ve set. And it’s been really exciting and encouraging to watch them progress and do well and get more confident in and of themselves and really strive to more of that independence because if we don’t do these things our children are going to be in our basement until they’re 35 because they don’t have the skills they need to take care of themselves and be functioning independent adults out in the real world and so if you have a child who struggles with this, you have to give them the correct tools so they can grow in a developmentally appropriate way.
Thank you for listening, friends. As always, please share this episode with a friend and leave us a review so more people can hear about this information. And I will talk to you in the next episode. Thank you.