Rooted Mama Podcast
Episode 8: Our Experience with Break Method
Episode #8: Our Experience with Break Method
Over the last 6 months, my family has been part of an innovative program called Break Method! The Break Method differs from traditional therapy in that it focuses less on talking and more on rewiring patterns in the brain in ways that directly change our behaviors and how we perceive the world around us. There is an intensity to it, but that’s part of what makes the results so incredible. In this episode, I’ll go into exactly what The Break Method is, our journey with it, and my hopes of integrating it into my own mental health practice–I believe this method can change the world!
Our family history and how it led us to Break Method [3:07]
Our oldest 4 kids are adopted, and we have 6 kids in total. My 4 adopted children are two sets of siblings, so each “set” has similar histories because they came from the same environment. My oldest son, in particular, was really struggling; he had seen a therapist, which was helpful for him, but we were still having issues with his behavior at home; I was so stressed over our repeated cycles of conflict and I couldn’t figure out what I was missing.
What made Break Method such a good fit for our situation [4:40]
The philosophy of the Break Method is this truth: the brain does not want to change. Even if things are completely dysfunctional, the brain has the dysfunction figured out. It can predict what comes next and knows how it will adapt accordingly. Therefore, any change–even a positive change–is a threat, because the brain cannot predict how to adapt immediately in a way that it’s used to, so it avoids change altogether to protect us. The break method works to circumvent this defense mechanism so that we can change the way we think without the brain sabotaging our progress by reverting to old habits–habits that makes it feel safe, but makes our lives miserable. With our family dynamic, The Break Method trained us to get to the roots of our struggles by diving deep into our individual brain patterns and consciously choosing different behaviors to override our brains old ideas of safety, which allowed us to connect on a deeper level with each other. The issues we had struggled with for so long began to break away, and we started building more harmony and cycles of connection.
What does it mean to rewire our brain? [7:15]
Our core beliefs about the world–our “brain pattern”–is concretely set by age 5. That might be surprising because we don’t often have memories of this age or earlier, but the brain records everything on a subconscious level. When we are young and learning how the world works, our brain develops theories about what is happening and why it is happening, and then it looks for confirmation to prove its theories. Why? Because if the brain can predict what will happen, it will be able to help us survive, and that makes it feel safe. The key thing to realize is that it’s the brain’s perception of safety, not what is objectively safe. As long as the brain can predict what a situation or environment “calls for”, it’s satisfied, even if it’s objectively maladaptive or unhelpful behavior; it is interested in creating patterns that are predictable, not patterns that are necessarily in our best interest for healthy relationships or our highest selves. The Break Method works to uncover and oppose those unhealthy patterns.
What’s an example of an unhelpful brain pattern? [9:00]
Using myself as an example, my brain tends to have a pattern of believing that people are untrustworthy and will abandon me, so my brain then pushes me into hyper-independence, which includes me seeking control in every situation in order to feel safe. In short: I have trust issues, and having adopted children who also have trust issues created some dynamics that led to a lot of chaos. The Break Method taught me to recognize how my brain pattern of distrust was causing problems with my children; it helped me take radical responsibility without pushing me into guilt and shame. Instead of shame, I was able to make changes in my perceptions and then work on getting my actions to match my new brain pattern of trust and connection. It was incredible!
Our life after Break Method [16:05]
The Break Method was intense, and there were times I wanted to give up, but in the big picture, it worked rapidly. Our home is so much more peaceful now! We went from having several intense blow-ups a day, to having one a couple times a week, maybe. This last week, however, I can’t even recall having one out-of-hand argument! This isn’t to say we don’t ever have challenging times, but the difference now is that I have the tools I need to understand what my kids need in their hard moments and how to communicate with them in an effective way, so we aren’t resorting to patterns of conflict and disconnection just because that’s what our brains are used to–we’ve broken that cycle for good!
For so long, I felt like in order to be safe, I had to control everything. That was my brain pattern. But control and love aren’t compatible. We can’t control what we love. The Break Method helped me set that fear aside so I can love my children in ways that I was never able to before, and there is so much freedom and joy in that! I am forever grateful for this program, and I am working on getting my certification so that I can use the Break Method in my practice! Once I graduate with my certification in May, I will be launching a totally new coaching program, and I could not be more excited to share this with you!
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